First Day of School

Jace SPRINTED to the bus on the first day of school...without even looking back. I kept waiting for him to turn and wave...ha...but he didn't! I guess after listening to the bus come and go for an entire school year...he wasn't going to miss that baby!:) He LOVED his first day of school, and even his second day, but Thursday night he crashed at 5:30 PM to sleep ALL night. Friday morning was a little rough, but when I reminded him of all the mornings he stayed home last year, he quickly dressed and found his backpack. He was GOING to school! These are first day of school pics:

This family photo was taken right after Hayden's first game. He played AWESOME! Football season signals a COMPLETE CIRCLE for our family this year, because if you'll remember, Jace was diagnosed with his Leukemia last year a few days after one of his flag football games! I remember sitting in the hospital on September 11th in complete shock that my little Jace had just run the width of a football field to score a touchdown...with 95% cancerous blood! Crazy stuff. WOW, I sure wouldn't trade places with me- then. I'm actually really shocked after the last year, that I'm still (mostly) mentally stable!:) 

As a family we also attended Madison High School's football game Friday night (Go Cats!), and as I watched Jace run up and down the stadium stairs, I couldn't help but remember last fall when Jace was too sick to pick his head up off the pillow. I'm not sure what the future will bring, but this week I am so grateful for our football loving- school attending boys...even when they sprint to get away from me...HA...and they don't look back over their shoulder to wave at their tearful, mess of a mom.

1,000 Books! Woo Hoo!

My night owl just finished his 1,000th book. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, right? He wanted to finish his goal before school starts, and he did it with nine hours left! He also scored a touchdown tonight in his flag football game, so you’ll believe me when I say that his chemo treatment last week was handled with the courage and fortitude of a true IRON MAN! I’ll post some “first day of school pics” later this week, but I just couldn’t wait to report that Jace is doing amazing.

(getting chemo in his port)

(running it in in for a touchdown!)

Our modern miracle- and the hero of our hearts-- gets to climb on the bus in the morning and go to school with his cousins and friends, and his last year’s backpack that he didn’t get to use. He is sooo excited. He’s sitting next to me with wide eyes right now...showing no hope of sleep…much like it’s Christmas EVE.

I’ve got the hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes in his back pack, and he’s been drilled about washing hands…and cleansing his desk periodically. A few minutes ago I felt his forehead and he felt hot. He saw the look in my eyes, and he immediately piped up, “I’M OK MOM!” ...and he is...but I'm not sure I am!

Guess what everybody!?? Jace is going to school…

Warriors

Over time, hundreds of warriors have made their mark in history- the greatest warriors have become immortal as a result of the great victories they achieved; their bravery, perseverance, and determination have written the stories of their battles and their names on the sands of time.

But, what is the real definition of a WARRIOR? How is an enemy defined, and what types of battles classify a warrior? These questions came to me as I was watching the movie “Letters to God.” This movie is about a little boy fighting cancer, but we had NO IDEA how emotional it would make our entire family when we rented it from a Redbox two days ago. I don’t think a movie has EVER hit so close to home as this one, as there were multiple scenes from it that could have been our family! Sometimes I would look at the screen and have to blink my eyes because I thought the bald boy facing us was Jace. AND, I’ll tell you honestly, I am SO glad we didn’t accidently rent this six months ago. It is that tender.

The thing that really struck me though, is that concept of being a warrior. At one point in the movie, there was a little boy making fun of Tyler, the child with cancer. Tyler goes to a Grandfather for advice. The Grandfather tells him that the others are jealous of him. This is unbelievable to Tyler. He says sarcastically, “Jealous because my hair fell out???”

The Grandfather answers: “They are jealous because you’ve been chosen for the role of a lifetime. You’ve been hand-picked by God….God has chosen you to be one of HIS warriors. As one of God’s warriors, you can ride forth victoriously in truth, humility, and righteousness.”

As I watched this scene in the movie, my new epiphany pounded in my chest. The Grandfather was right! He continued as if he were talking to Jace: “Even though you are sick, when people see how strong and brave you are, it makes them take a look at their own lives... There is a glorious truth. God is truth, and it is your job to point them to Him, and if they turn to Him, they find the truth. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful victory?”

I looked over at Jace during the movie to see what he thought. Does he know he’s a warrior? Does he know this is the role of a lifetime?? I found it interesting that he was the only one in the room NOT crying! It made me smile. He’s so tough. People have asked me over the course of his treatment if Jace realizes what’s really going on. I think he does, but I often pray the lessons we’ve all learned from this trial of cancer don’t pass over Jace himself- because he’s so young…will he really remember??

Hayden on the other hand was emotional throughout the film. He gets it in a different way I guess. He understands. Obviously there are different types of warriors.

So it is, in life. Everyone has their struggle. Everyone is fighting some sort of battle, and we’ve been chosen to fight our particular fights. I’m still not convinced I chose this one- Everyone who knows Jace is sure that he was first in line, but I think I was kicking and screaming to get away from this challenge. Matt probably had my back pushing me forward, and Hayden was on my side saying, “We got this! We can do this!” Oh, and let’s not forget the army behind us made up of all of YOU! Thanks a lot!

When the movie was over, Hayden asked me if I liked it. I said, “NO! It was awful!” (It was actually really inspiring and touching, but it hit way too close to home.) “But mom,” Hayden replied, “It taught us how to be more like Christ!” Yes it did. How could I argue with that? After all, Hayden spoke just like a true warrior.

Chemo tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish us luck.

"Let Me Hold You Longer"

Every once in a while a children’s book comes along that tugs on my heart. My boys have patiently tolerated me singing “I’ll Love You Forever” (to my own made up tune) to them, and I still joke that I sneak into their rooms at night and rock them “back and forth.” My latest favorite children’s book though is called, “Let Me Hold You Longer” by Karen Kingsbury.

I bought both boys their own copies for Christmas in 2008, and signed them lovingly as usual, but I’m not sure my guys really care about them yet. The new copies immediately went into the pile of books I have purchased for Hayd and Jace over the years and started collecting dust. I’m hoping someday they will appreciate that their crazy mom loves the written language and finds satisfaction in sharing this type of expression. For all YOU  veteran, “book giving parents” out there, does this ever happen?? Do your kids ever go through the pile and really understand what you gave them? I have my doubts...so I'm just wondering.:)

As Jace is trying to finish his goal of reading 1,000 books before school starts, we’ve dug deep into the closets of our home for books he can read. “Let Me Hold You Longer” emerged once again, and little did I know what a profound impact it would make on me tonight, August 9, 2010. Hayden just cuddled up to me and asked me what I was looking at. I showed him the cover, and he asked me to read it to him. I guess he is my kindred spirit because we both wear our emotions out on our sleeves- I  read about two pages to him, and we were both crying!...then laughing at ourselves because we were crying!! (Who would think that my Hayd who can hit homeruns and tackle with such aggression could be so sweet??!) I was touched that my great big, almost 12 year old Hayd still appreciates how much I love him. I highly recommend the book; it is SUCH a tender story about a mom watching her son grow up.

In summary, the narrator talks about how sometimes we focus so much on a child’s firsts…that the “lasts” often go unnoticed. It made me realize how every day life moves on, and if we are in too big of a hurry, we may not appreciate the amazing things our loved ones do…AND the sad truth is…they might never do them again! Yesterday I sat down by Jace and reminded him I hadn’t received a hug all day! As he has started to have more good days than bad, he is busy and going every minute. I watch him out the window play in the yard, and I cry happy tears that my JACE is throwing water balloons, riding his bike, playing capture the flag, and tormenting his brother. When I reminded him yesterday that he and I hadn’t had any cuddle time, he wrapped his arms around my neck and promised he would never get “too cool” to hug his mom. We’ll see. I’m not going to hold my breath.:)

Thursday Jace finished his last soccer game, and he even scored a goal! He’s looking forward to starting Flag Football and SCHOOL! We’ve scheduled his chemo for August a little early (next week) so hopefully he will be feeling better by the 25th, and his numbers will be ok to go! Everyone has been asking how I feel about sending him to school, and the truth is, he reeeeeally wants to go, so I can’t complain. I’m nervous and scared that because I can’t control his environment (like I’ve been doing), maybe he’ll get sick with something else…or that we will have awful mornings getting him out of bed…or a variety of other stressors that make me lose sleep at night—but I know from experience that now is the time to put it in the Lord’s hands and have FAITH that it will be ok, NO MATTER WHAT.

So, as much as I’ve been counting down the chemo DAYS and MONTHS and YEARS left…I’m sure hanging on to the hugs I get in the quiet hours at our house. Thanks to a simple children’s book and my sweet Hayden, I’ve been reminded that I need to enjoy the journey. I need to hang on a little longer to every sweet moment.