Last weekend I noticed how pale Jace looked. His face and head were almost transparent, and he was a little weaker than usual. My worries were confirmed as we received chemo Monday. His Red Blood Cell count was very low, and he needed another transfusion. For some reason my mind freaks out when I know he needs blood. I’m not sure if it goes back to a primitive instinct that blood is life, but whatever the cause, this scared me again…and I was just feeling so strong!!
Because of the necessary precautions taken with donated blood, and making sure it is appropriate for little cancer babes, MMH didn’t have the blood ready until Tuesday morning. We spent that entire day at the hospital watching the bright red life drip into his body, and I prayed silently a thankful prayer for whoever donated that particular bag. I’ve never realized the importance of donating blood until now, but if you ever have- THANK YOU. By about 4 o’clock, Jace’s cheeks started to have a little color, and his smile was a little more genuine. We left the hospital only to proceed to his chemo treatment which he has received now four days in a row.
This Friday morning as I write, my over-whelming feeling is one of gratitude. All week long Jace said cute things that reaffirmed his positive attitude. As soon as we would walk out of chemo treatments, almost every day he would say something like, “I did it!” or “I made it through another day.” He really is mature about the whole treatment thing. This isn’t to say he hasn’t emotionally regressed the last six months, and Matt and I are seeing we might have some very unique parenting challenges ahead of us. Many of you who knew Jace pre-cancer know he was intense anyway, but this has heightened, and we find he is now very emotionally charged in every way. I’ve expressed to some of you my feelings that if it were just “CANCER” it would be big enough…but there are SOOOO many other issues that come WITH cancer—emotions, fear, life changes, money, insurance, support, opinions, etc. I’m just grateful for the resources and people in our lives who are making things easier. I HATE that something so big had to happen to my son to drive me to such humility and reliance on our Heavenly Father—but so many times my comfort comes from knowing that He hears and answers prayers.
Jace just crawled out of our bed and found me on the couch typing. He has a difficult time walking in the mornings, and the first thing he said was, “Where is the bowl?” Although he hasn’t been especially nauseated the last month, it’s never far from his mind. Normally I love the color white. It’s so pure and beautiful. There are many wonderful WHITE things, like warm hospital blankets and clean, sterile hospital walls. But this morning as I look at my cute Jace, I’m thankful he isn’t transparent. This morning I’m grateful his cheeks are pink.
