Do We Just Need a Party Planner?

Jace 3 days after chemo this time... and he did end up missing one practice.:(

Speaking of fears, they've started swirling in my brain again. I manage to repress them most of the time, but not lately. November and Jace's last scheduled chemo treatments are approaching quickly, and though I've never thought we'd make it this far, I'm terrified.

I'm scared that it won't be completely gone.
I'm scared that when the chemo stops, the cancer will start again.
I'm scared that it won't be over.
It has to be over.

Jace continues to hear conversations about cancer victims dying. He asked me the other day, "So, why didn't I die? Why do some people die from cancer, and some people live?"

The scriptures John 9:2-3 came to mind. I told him that our Heavenly Father must still have something for him to accomplish on earth.  Some cancer victims already accomplished their earthly missions, and Heavenly Father needed them in the Spirit World, but God's "works" still need to be "made manifest" in Jace on earth.

Jace wondered what those works might be... "You mean I haven't done what I'm suppose to do yet?" This was troublesome to him.  I giggled/cried by explaining that Heavenly Father knows that as Jace's mother, I still have a lot to learn from the Iron Man. He teaches me something EVERY day. Then I followed through with my very sincere thought: "..And because you can't die before me, anyway;  Heavenly Father knows I could never live without YOU."

It's too much you know. It's too much for a 9 year old... and a very weak mother.  The conversations...the concepts...He's so tough, but I'm really not.

I promised on this blog three years ago that we would have a huge party when chemo ended. "Coast to coast" I think I said..."everyone invited." The ironic thing now though, is I don't have the energy to plan it. Something about surviving cancer wears a family out. We SO want it to be behind us that it's hard to get excited about celebrating.  Somehow it feels like if we go about it quietly, maybe we can escape the chances of it returning. Is that fear speaking?

Or do we just need a party planner?

If you are still reading this blog three years later-- thank you.
I recognize how pathetic it is sometimes...
Three more months of chemo.
We can do it.
Love you all.