Um, yep...That's Hayden.
I’ve neglected this blog, because all summer I’ve felt like our story has been more of the same. We have really good days, and then Jace still gets his chemotherapy treatments. We are trying our hardest to forget the word CANCER, but it still exists and Jace is still “raging against” it. This week our hospital visit was a bit different though because the patient was Hayden. He badly injured his elbow playing football, and our ROCK was IN the bed instead of standing beside it. (I quickly realized as the mom that I have a little post traumatic stress going on, and I am worth nothing in a crisis with my boys now.) Also, Jace is learning how it feels to NOT be the one on the couch, and Hayden has learned that it isn’t that fun to be hurt.:(
Last week I was sitting in a big auditorium listening to a speaker talk about suicide prevention. As she was trying to point out that mental illness is as real as cancer, she asked the crowd to yell out words associated with cancer. From all directions of the room, my nightmare came alive as words like CHEMO! HOSPITAL! PAIN! RADIATION! and LEUKEMIA!...were yelled and then someone right behind me in a very large voice yelled DEATH!!! I shrank in my seat and checked out mentally for a few minutes thinking through where my Jace had been and where he will be in the future.
Today I attended a funeral of a cancer victim. Garland was a good family friend. It was a beautiful service, and I appreciated how the speakers pointed out how much Garland taught others about service. I decided that next time someone asks people to yell cancer words I’m not going to shrink. I'm going to yell my own words like LOVE! BRAVERY!! COURAGE!
Great Grandma Grover called this afternoon to check on us, and I appreciated hearing her sweet giggle. She told me, “Honey, I just called to tell you that when you have boys, they are going to get hurt.”
I replied, “So I shouldn’t feel picked on, Gram?”
“No, Honey,” she said sweetly. “It’s just life.”
After a lot of years of raising a family and dealing with her share of ups and downs, Gram is right. AND After talking with her and telling her in detail how brave BOTH my sons are...how Hayden didn't even cry...how he doesn't even want pain meds...how Jace is now waiting on Hayden hand and foot-- I knew I wouldn’t trade places with anyone in the world.
