Combat Gear

It’s been 10 days since I’ve written. If I had posted 8 days ago, the title of my post would have been “Striking Out.” If I had written 5 days ago- maybe “I Hate Chemo,” and after games on Saturday it would have been “Anxiety,” but this morning I’m going to sum it all up with the exclusive brand name, Combat Gear.

We bought the expensive protective shirt to cover Jace’s Port-a-Cath that is located on his left ribs. If you can picture him batting, the Port faces the pitcher…and in “KID PITCH” baseball, this is pretty daunting. The Combat Gear we bought is an amazing, high quality padded shirt designed to protect the person wearing it. The problem is, Jace is SO finicky about his clothing. Right before his first game last week, he felt the shirt was restricting his movement. He was hot, and the shirt was cumbersome and annoying. He begged to take it off. After having the “parent talk” with him about how he “might get hit, and if he does- it will really hurt,” but “it is his decision,” he lost no time in stripping off the Combat Gear and replacing his jersey without it. It was a tough call as a parent to watch him remove the gear. We have been told by our doctors that it won’t really do any damage to the Port if he does get hit there, as it is securely placed under the skin. The worst that can happen is it will just leave a bruise, causing extra pain.

Extra pain. Hmmm. We’ve about decided Jace doesn’t care about pain anymore. He again and again endures things that would make grown men cry. So, I guess when Matt and I say “extra pain,” Jace shrugs his shoulders and says, “Big deal.” I’m just really wishing there was such an invention as Combat Gear for a mother’s heart.

Like I hinted, after four official games Jace’s batting record is less than desirable, and his chemo treatment last Tuesday knocked him down worse than we planned. By Thursday morning he was nearly as sick as he was in the heart of his frequent treatments. Saturday we wondered how he would play in his baseball games at all, but like the trooper he is, he showed up, gave his best, and collapsed at the end of the day. Matt carried him to bed.

My awesome friend, Melissa gave a talk in church Sunday. She gave an analogy that I loved using baseball. She said that while watching our sons’ games Saturday she noticed again and again the coach coax the runner off the base for a lead. While the opposing pitcher had the ball, the coach would yell to the runner, “More, more! I got you.” This meant, you can lead off more than you are! I will protect you- should the pitcher try to pick you off…and if the pitcher turned to throw, the coach would yell, “BACK!” This is often very uncomfortable for our boys, because the base is so much safer for them than half-way up the baseline. Melissa likened this to giving MORE in life. It is often uncomfortable to improve (advance), but very rewarding in the end. In other words, we can’t be scared! Our Heavenly Father will protect us if we just listen to Him- and just like the coach, He does NOT want us to get “OUT.”

(Hayden looking to steal 3rd)

So this week our family is working through what monthly chemo treatments will be like for Jace. Every time someone (who doesn’t read the blog) asks if he’s finished with chemotherapy, they are surprised when we say he will have monthly treatments for 2 ½ more years. In fact, the other day in a store, the clerk was helping me find something. Jace was walking next to me, and his legs were getting tired. He lifted his arms up to tell me he needed carried. I automatically picked him up. The clerk looked at me in surprise and said outloud, “I’m sorry, but he is too old for you to carry!” I just smiled and thought to myself, if she only knew. We also left the store…before she wished she had Combat Gear. :)

Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

That’s our favorite scripture this week, brought to our attention on a signed bat and ball from baseball player, Christian Colonel. (THANK you Christian!) The tubular package appeared magically at the door, and as its contents spilled out, Jace and Hayden discovered this phrase penned on the genuine, “Christian Colonel” Louisville Slugger:

“To Jace, Keep the Faith! I’m your fan, Christian Colonel, Joshua 1:9”

We immediately looked up the scripture, and the boys took turns swinging the awesome gift. The scripture hit me hard, and as Hayden handed the bat over to Jace, they noticed my tears. “Mom! Are you crying?”

“Nope,” I said. “Not crying.”

“Then why are your eyes wet?”

It’s been almost a source of embarrassment for me over the last months, because now more than ever before I realize the average person doesn’t cry nearly as much as me. I WISH I didn’t cry so easily! It’s SO humiliating sometimes. I find it interesting though that at different times in our lives we “get” different things out of scriptures. On most days, I would read this scripture and see “Be strong…” or “…be not afraid…” but on this particular morning, I read “..neither be thou dismayed.” It jolted me into the realization that I don’t need to be dismayed at the strength I now see in Jace. In the last few weeks we have seen him progress so rapidly; I’ve truly been shocked by our Iron Man. Three weeks ago he couldn’t lift a basketball over his head. Last weekend he was playing  “lightening.” Three weeks ago he could barely run. Monday he ran from home plate to 2nd base and made it “SAFE!” Yep, that’s right folks. In his scrimmage game Monday, Jace hit a double! (Ok, he probably hit a single, but made it to 2nd on an error). He was also *beaned* while batting, but you’ll all be impressed that I didn’t freak out, and Jace didn’t complain a bit! He still even has the bruise on his arm!

It IS time once again for that dreaded chemo though. Jace will be on steroids next week, and receive Vincristine in his port. No LP this month though- so no hospital visit. Yay. Jace is just so glad his chemo is at the first of the week, so he can feel better by the time he has another game. We’ve also seen a sprouting of peach fuzz on his cute little head. We’re not sure if it’s chemo hair or real hair, so we’ll keep you posted. It looks like it is brown in places, but in other places it is bright WHITE!

Class photos were this week, but since Jace isn’t going to school, he had mixed emotions about being in the photo. He wondered if the other kids would think it was weird of him to show up for the picture. We assured him he is still a member of the class, and the kids really want to see him. As he brushed his teeth and groomed for the picture that morning, he looked in the mirror at his weird hair. He asked, “Do you think I could wear a hat in the picture mom?” I told him that I thought he could if he wanted to- but I reminded him that he was a good-looking kid with or without hair. On our way out the door I asked if he wanted me to grab a hat. He replied, “Nah. I’m ok.”

And he is. The end of Joshua 1:9 reads, “The Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” I know this is true. I feel it every day. In essence we can “be strong.” We can “have courage,” and we can “be not afraid” because the Lord IS with us. Once again I’ve humbly learned, in our world, there is really no room for dismay.

The Scooter

Thank you for the support and concern this last week. By complaining just a little too much, we’ve been the recipients of beautiful flowers, movie tickets, packages in the mail, phone calls, texts, and 56 comments. I think I may just vent a little more often!:) (Kidding!) Actually, I think the best thing for me to do with this blog is to take it one day at a time. It is nice to know some of you who are checking it, and I soooo appreciate all of the love I’ve felt. I do need to assure you though, that I really am ok. Jace has had an awesome week, and I can’t wait to tell you about it.
Thursday, April 1st, we went for a few days to Hayden’s baseball tournament in Mesquite, Nevada, and St. George, Utah. We packed shorts and t-shirts and hoped for warm weather, so we were a little concerned on our way when there was still snow in Southern Utah…but no worries! Mesquite was beautiful, and the baseball diamonds were amazing. It wasn’t hot, but it certainly wasn’t cold. Hayden’s team went 2-2, but we all decided a bad day of baseball in the sunshine is way better than a good day in the snow!

The best investment we made the entire trip was a $36 razor scooter for Jace. He still doesn’t have his legs, so the scooter allowed him to keep up with us, without having to be carried. He buzzed around the sidewalks on it, and for the first time in a LONG time, he felt like the "old" Jace. If you don’t know Jace personally, let me explain that pre-cancer, Jace loved to run! His favorite part of baseball last year was racing around the bases when the games were over. He would even challenge older kids to race him, and sometimes he would win. So, it has been hard on him to be the slow one, or the one who even has to be carried. The scooter is his current tender mercy. It was pretty funny how if he started going too fast, you could hear a collective gasp from all of the moms at the field! My heart was so scared for him to get hurt, but at the same time I knew how important it was for his own psyche to feel that wind in his face and taste how sweet life can be.

The other great investment we made was an awesome, new HAT to cover Jace’s head. (actually, Grandma bought the hat for him and stuffed the pocket with money...what a Grandma!)  The only one of us who didn’t get sunburned was Jace, so I was glad for that. We were diligent with his pasty white skin- to keep it covered with sunscreen and the HAT. By the 2nd game on the first day, Jace was worn out. This is a picture of him buried in the jackets on a chair. He slept the entire 2nd game. The same was true the next day as Matt carried him to the car at the end of the night.

We also met another cancer family at the baseball field.  Ronni (the mom) introduced herself to me after seeing my little cancer babe beebopping around. She tearfully explained that her Chrissy was diagnosed at 7 years old with Leukemia, and fought for 20 months. She died at 9 years old. Ronni and I hugged like we were long-lost soulmates, and I felt her anguish as she told me about her amazing daughter.  Together we talked about how medicine really has improved over the last five years, and how great Jace looks. I appreciated her hug, and I silently grieved her earthly loss.
It was a good reminder to appreciate every minute I have. I looked around at my two incredible sons, my strong, amazing husband, and the baseball friends we enjoy so much, and I said a prayer of thanks.  I am convinced that life is difficult, but I know Heavenly Father has sent us so many things- and people- to help us through it.

So, though difficult-- life is good. We felt the sun in our faces, and we came home to a loving community and a warm, beautiful home.  With the aid of multiple positive resources, the Leatham fam feels blessed and loved. More specifically, Jace is doing well, and although he's trying to give his mom a heart attack, he once again knows the feeling of “being fast.”