But OH how I marvel at the courage and tenacity Hayden and Jace display while playing football! Where do they find the courage to handle the ball, lead their teams, and play in front of crowds yelling for their success and failure? As Hayden kicked a punt Friday against Pocatello, I whispered to Matt, “HOW is he so brave? I would cry if I had to do that in front of this crowd.”
Matt
reminded me that this was nothing. He looked at me tenderly, like, “Have you
forgotten what they have been through?”
For
a second, the wave of emotion flooded over me in snapshots. Images settled in
my mind of our bald Jace with his big brother carrying him on his
back...Glimpses of Hayden sitting by Jace in the hospital, asking me about Jace’s
numbers, saying, “Is it bad? Is he okay today?” ...Memories of tender,
brother-filled love in our home, when both boys were fighting for their lives.
I
would never, ever willingly go back to the years when cancer was THE topic of
conversation in our world, but I also don’t want to forget: The lessons, the
love, and the people who were really there for us. I don’t ever want to forget
where and how and from whom our boys learned how to be strong.
This anniversary week of Jace’s diagnosis, I carefully watched both of my sons exit the football field after grueling games. The crowds energetically moved different directions, and quietly both of my warriors made their way to the sidelines without bravado. Both were slow to pick up their feet, and they could barely lift their arms. Both were exhausted. They had done everything they could do for their teams, and that was enough. They were so beautifully brave, and agonizingly strong, that the torture of watching Hayden and Jace play football turned into really emotional joy. I’m so proud of my sons.
Love you all.
