What Cancer Cannot Do

My sister gave me a necklace for Christmas which says:

What Cancer Cannot Do…
It Cannot…
Invade the Soul
Destroy Peace
Conquer the Spirit
Shatter Hope
Cripple Love
Corrode Faith
Steal Eternal Life
Silence Courage

I’m wearing the necklace tonight for reassurance, and I keep touching and looking at the list-- hoping it is true. After an incredible, green flag week, and a wonderful family party on Christmas Eve, the boys enjoyed a tender morning full of fun gifts and surprises. Jace even bathed and dressed in his new t-shirt and warm-ups and anxiously awaited our departure for another family get-together. But on our way out the door, he found himself weaker than usual, and asked me to "get dad" to carry him. Out of habit, I felt his forehead. NOOOO way. He was hot. Christmas morning… gifts already loaded…vehicle running and waiting for us… I grabbed the thermometer: 101.6 degrees. Oh man.

Amy: “Um, Matt. Jace has a fever.”
Matt: “No way.”
Hayden: “Is that bad?”
Jace (in tears): “Can we still go to the party?”

We gathered Jace in our arms, tried kissing away his tears, and took his temperature again and again. 102 degrees… 102.9… 103.0… (Soooo NOT good for a cancer patient). Hayden sat down on the couch knowing the day had just drastically taken a curve ball…and after calling the doctor, the four of us drove straight to the Emergency Room. A caring staff greeted us, tended to our every need, and we spent the day wondering why our little boy had a fever. The strep test was negative…and the chest x-ray looked clear- so we’ll have to see tomorrow or the next day what the blood work says. They filled Jace’s little body full of fluids and antibiotics, and we came home at 4 PM. After the party came to us tonight (Thanks family. We love you!), Jace maintained a low-grade fever, bathed twice, threw up once, and fell asleep on his daddy’s chest. Hayden was a good brother the entire day, and didn’t complain once about the change of plans.

Cancer CAN change some things. Cancer can make a family spend Christmas day in the hospital…and cancer CAN turn a turkey dinner into a bag of Doritos and a Fountain drink, but it definitely CANNOT Conquer the Spirit or Silence Courage. Every time I start doubting these facts, I just have to look at my kids- the bravest people I know. Merry Christmas everyone. We love you.

The PRO

Jace sported a hospital gown this morning by 6:30 AM. These procedures are so much a routine now, that he’s a PRO. (I’m not sure I love that he’s a pro at being a cancer patient…not every mother’s dream…) Anyway, he was only a little nervous this time, and when he knew he would meet Dr. Hancock in the procedure room, his fears were relieved. He was under anesthesia by 7, receiving a Lumbar Puncture by 7:30, and leaving the hospital by 9 AM. On our way home he had another appointment at Dr. Hancock’s office to receive more but different meds, and we were home by noon. I found it interesting that I was exhausted after we returned home, and I wasn’t receiving toxic material into every vein of my body. I’m such a wimp, and Jace is so strong. Right now he’s NOT sick to his stomach, and he’s happy and hungry. Yay. These conditions after what should have been a brutal day remind me that every prayer and positive thought sent his way is playing a role in his optimistic treatment. We are so thankful for all of your prayers.

I’m not sure what the next few days will bring, but we are hopeful that Jace will have a pretty normal holiday—and this year our hearts are much different as we reflect the true meaning of Christmas. This year more than ever, we have felt the pure love of Christ in our lives through the goodness in so many of you, and we are grateful for every part played in this cancer journey. PEG shots on Tuesday…and nothing else until the 27th. Three months down. We can do it.

Changing Colors

Last night Matt asked me when I was going to write another post for the blog. He mentioned receiving a text that asked if everything was ok, because it’s been a week since I wrote. My response was, “I haven’t known what to write, and I’ve been waiting until I could have a more stable attitude.”

He lovingly replied, “Honey, I think you should post before the year 2011.”

Many of you have been asking my family and friends if, “Amy is ok?” As for my mental stability, the verdict is still out on that one. I did clean out my classroom, and I won’t return to work this school year. Jace affectionately told me he was sorry I couldn’t teach anymore. I responded that I don’t want to be anywhere else but at home with him. I did discover 11 (yes I’ve counted) grey hairs on my head this week, and my extended family just laughs at my shock. They giggle and tell me I’ve earned them.

Speaking of hair color, our now, red-headed Jace has actually had an amazing weekend. His hair is growing in a completely different color than before, and in addition to being very thin and weird, it has quite a bit of red in it. He received a chemotherapy treatment Monday, December 7th, and his worst sick day was Wednesday. Since then he has improved daily, and his numbers have allowed for visitors and a few outings. He actually made his first trip to gift shop yesterday, and he had fun buying a gift for Hayden. Both boys were thrilled after buying for each other, and they feel more prepared to give a little for Christmas this year. The Madison County and Rexburg Sheriff’s Departments also brought Jace and Hayden some wonderful gifts, and again we are humbled by the giving spirit of those around us.

This Thursday, December 17th, Jace will go to the hospital to receive a Lumbar Puncture (chemo in his spinal fluid). He will also receive Vincristine and Methotrexate in his port. We are not looking forward to the repercussions from this, knowing his numbers will drop again, and he will be a pretty sick little boy. Jace will also receive PEG shots on the 22nd of December. We are praying his body will recover quickly from these treatments, and he will be able to enjoy the Christmas weekend. Yesterday while Jace and I waited in the pick-up for Hayden and Matt to unload something at Leathams’ house, Jace asked me if he could surprise Grandma and Grandpa by shoveling the snow out of their driveway. I conceded, and Jace pulled his hood up over his head and found the shovel. I was touched that although he has the best excuse to quit serving others, he found a way to reach out and set a good example.

So, although I joke about my mental stability, I really am ok-- because Jace is hanging tough. He’s full of spunk, and he continues to fight through these crazy color changes. He doesn’t even mind his new red hair…so I’m thinking I shouldn’t complain about the silver strands I’m finding in mine. Jace thinks with red hair, he looks more like Hayden anyway…and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be like his big brother.

(Jace has learned that eating a sucker during some treatments helps to relieve the taste in his mouth)

(Those of you who know Matt's a Cowboys fan...

notice which hat Jace chose to take into the doctor's office in case he became sick...

Matt didn't think it was funny.)

Saved

After five days of complete isolation, Jace received some outdoor visitors. If you were worrying about the sirens and flashing red lights at our house last night, rest assured. Jace just had company: Rexburg-Madison County Emergency Services again—and Santa.
They showed up in glory with their big yellow fire truck and ambulance…and several geared fire fighters. Santa actually rode the ladder as they extended it to the house, and the boys were awestruck. In addition to an amazing showing, they also arrived bringing gifts. Jace is now the proud owner of an authentic firefighter's helmet, and Hayden received a firefighter's Monopoly game. The smile this brought both boys was priceless. Matt and I again felt unworthy of such attention and grateful for a group of good people taking care of our sons. After a week of looking at the same three faces, Jace was saved from the monotony of being sick. For a few minutes Jace was on top of the world, enjoying the show. Thanks again Rexburg-Madison County Emergency Services.

In addition to our company last night, we also received a magnificent package tonight. The cutest group of teenagers and their parents brought our boys gifts to remember including personal letters and gift cards; movies and books.  Really--we have no idea how we will ever repay all of you who are supporting our family. Please accept our heartfelt thank you, and please know you are making a difference. No matter what you are doing...anonymous letters...pizza on the front step...dinner...ice cream...etc...With your love, we continue to feel "saved" over and over again.

Hayden's Hat and Prayer

After a rough Thanksgiving week, Jace had a pretty good Friday morning. Instead of going with Matt and Hayden to Hayd’s out of state basketball tourney, Jace and I chose to entertain ourselves at home. By Friday night Jace was stir crazy and decided he needed a road trip. We made it to Rigby.:) (If you don’t know, that’s about 15 miles from our home.) After playing for a while with his cousins, Jace started feeling yucky- so we made preparations to go home. His emotions got the best of him, and Eli held him for an hour trying to ease his crying. Finally we were on our way, with Dayton and his over-night bag. But even driving home, Jace couldn’t stop crying—sobbing actually. I finally suggested, “Let’s say a prayer.” I was driving, so I asked 6 year old Dayton if he would say it. His prayer was simple and beautiful. He asked three things. “Please help Jace to stop crying. Please bless Jace to feel better. Please bless Jace to be ok.”

We all said “Amen” and not 30 seconds later Jace was very sick and frantically searching for his bowl. In its absence we grabbed the next best thing: Hayden’s ski hat. Sparing you the details, I’ll just say, Hayden needs a new hat, but Jace immediately felt better and was able to come home and go right to sleep. Dayton wondered if his prayer had actually been answered, because Jace threw up, but I explained to him that it was exactly what Jace needed to “feel better.” He said, “I thought maybe the devil and Heavenly Father were fighting, but I knew Heavenly Father would win.” I was amazed at the faith of another young child with complete faith in a loving Heavenly Father who hears and answers prayers.

Jace was brave once again yesterday as he received his PEG shots. We learned his HCT actually came up to 24.3, so he didn’t need a blood transfusion (he’s still on the edge, but the improvement says maybe his body is taking care of it). The BAD news is that his ANC (or the number that tells us how immuno-compromised he is) is down to a .2! This means he cannot be in public at all, and he cannot receive visitors in our home. I’ll keep you posted when this changes.

Jace is still carrying a bowl around, and luckily Hayden wasn’t too sad about his ruined hat. I’ve been scrubbing it, but I’m not sure it will ever be worn again. Hayden knows it’s a small price to pay. He watches Jace be so sick, and he just shakes his head. He asked me last night about Jace’s counts. I told him, and he said, “That’s bad hu?” This morning, Hayden came straight to Jace still in bed, laid next to him, and wrapped his arms around him. His terms of endearment went something like this:

“Morning Bud. I heard how brave you were yesterday. I would have cried if I would have had those shots. Wanna play the Wii before I go to school??” And so they did. Hayden wrapped Jace in a blanket and carried him to the couch. They sat with arms touching and played together. As Hayden said the family prayer this morning, he specifically thanked Heavenly Father for “my brother Jace.” So, after a rough week, this morning I’m grateful again for prayers, with the odd addition of a well used ski hat.