Relay for Life

With every year that passes I find myself realizing how difficult life really is. Because I had a wonderful childhood, I grew up under the impression that adults knew all of the answers, they always did the right things, and life was good- and fun- and happy. I have you all smirking at my naivety, now though, don’t I? Because the hard, cold truth is, now I'm the adult, and I don't know anything! Adults don’t have all the answers, and sometimes we actually need our kids to help us through the difficult things.

I have a vivid memory of a Monday morning years ago, when as the teacher I had to walk into my classroom full of high school seniors, and discuss the death of their two classmates who were killed over the weekend, one of whom should have been in my classroom. I took a deep breath at the door, tried to gain my composure, and walked in to 29 tearful, grieving students. I was immediately at a loss for words as I stood in front of them, and my tears started falling again. The only dialogue I managed was, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to be the adult today.” They rose from their seats and engulfed me, and we all embraced and cried together.

That experience tenderly reminds me that although we try so hard to appear to have all of the answers, sometimes we just don’t, and allowing others to see our tears isn’t always a bad thing.

At 7 AM yesterday, we lovingly whispered, “It’s time to wake up,” in Jace’s ear. It was a “chemo” day, and a big one. In addition to his regular IV chemo, he would also receive general anesthesia for a Lumbar Puncture. Our nurse Linda pegged my feelings exactly when she said, “I bet it’s hard for you to bring Jace back to treatments after he’s been feeling so well.” Yep, that’s right. I hate it. It makes me want to swear, and I don’t even cuss. In fact, it puts me on the edge of bitter again…despite my efforts to NOT go there.

Also, after his CBC, we also realized Jace’s numbers were lower than they should be right now. WHAT is THAT about? When I say numbers, I mean, his ANC, HCT, and HGB. Although our next scheduled appointment was at the end of July, Jace will return for another CBC next week to see what’s going on. Like a trooper though, Jace diligently made it through the day of chemo. Last night I was taking inventory to make sure I had given him all of the right meds at the right times, and my heart ached for his little 63 lb. body. I counted pills: 1 ½ 6MP, 8 steroid pills at .75 mg each, and his usual 1 ½ Septra pills on Tuesdays. In addition to that he had chemo in his spinal fluid, and chemo in his port.

(Waiting for the Lumbar Puncture)

(Watching them take Jace away)

(Trying to wake up in recovery)

After an emotional day Jace said to me, “What’s the matter?”

I replied, “Why do you say that, honey? Nothing’s wrong. I’m ok.”

He said, “You have your ‘matter’ face.” I finally smiled for real. He’s so cute.

We have a team walking in our local Relay for Life this Friday, June 25th, and our Rexburg Jamba Juice is sponsoring us for our fundraiser. They are actually donating 20% of any purchase to Relay for Life if you take in our flyer that says, “Jamba and Jace” for the cure. If you need a flyer, we have some sitting at the Madison Ridge Chiropractic Center, Teton Oncology, and the Madison Surgical Center. Also, we’ll be passing them out all week at the Madison Baseball Tournament. If you can't get a flyer, you can actually just order Jace's favorite Jamba and they will donate 20% of that purchase to Relay for Life. We appreciate Jamba's generosity so much!

Please come to the Relay for Life if you live in Rexburg. It is at the MHS football field and it starts with "survivors" making a lap at 6 PM. Of course we are relatively new to the cancer world, but I've heard this is a pretty amazing experience.

As I’ve prepared for this Relay, I realized the reality is, LIFE IS one big giant Relay. When one of us gets tired or overwhelmed, it’s ok for someone else to help us and take over for a bit-  lift our spirits, give us the energy we need to carry on, and send us on our way. I am SO grateful for the people in our lives, who fill our buckets and support Jace in his OWN Relay for Life. Although as the adult, I don't have all the answers, I do know that some pretty amazing people help me every day, and I'm so grateful they are on my "team."