"Let Me Hold You Longer"

Every once in a while a children’s book comes along that tugs on my heart. My boys have patiently tolerated me singing “I’ll Love You Forever” (to my own made up tune) to them, and I still joke that I sneak into their rooms at night and rock them “back and forth.” My latest favorite children’s book though is called, “Let Me Hold You Longer” by Karen Kingsbury.

I bought both boys their own copies for Christmas in 2008, and signed them lovingly as usual, but I’m not sure my guys really care about them yet. The new copies immediately went into the pile of books I have purchased for Hayd and Jace over the years and started collecting dust. I’m hoping someday they will appreciate that their crazy mom loves the written language and finds satisfaction in sharing this type of expression. For all YOU  veteran, “book giving parents” out there, does this ever happen?? Do your kids ever go through the pile and really understand what you gave them? I have my doubts...so I'm just wondering.:)

As Jace is trying to finish his goal of reading 1,000 books before school starts, we’ve dug deep into the closets of our home for books he can read. “Let Me Hold You Longer” emerged once again, and little did I know what a profound impact it would make on me tonight, August 9, 2010. Hayden just cuddled up to me and asked me what I was looking at. I showed him the cover, and he asked me to read it to him. I guess he is my kindred spirit because we both wear our emotions out on our sleeves- I  read about two pages to him, and we were both crying!...then laughing at ourselves because we were crying!! (Who would think that my Hayd who can hit homeruns and tackle with such aggression could be so sweet??!) I was touched that my great big, almost 12 year old Hayd still appreciates how much I love him. I highly recommend the book; it is SUCH a tender story about a mom watching her son grow up.

In summary, the narrator talks about how sometimes we focus so much on a child’s firsts…that the “lasts” often go unnoticed. It made me realize how every day life moves on, and if we are in too big of a hurry, we may not appreciate the amazing things our loved ones do…AND the sad truth is…they might never do them again! Yesterday I sat down by Jace and reminded him I hadn’t received a hug all day! As he has started to have more good days than bad, he is busy and going every minute. I watch him out the window play in the yard, and I cry happy tears that my JACE is throwing water balloons, riding his bike, playing capture the flag, and tormenting his brother. When I reminded him yesterday that he and I hadn’t had any cuddle time, he wrapped his arms around my neck and promised he would never get “too cool” to hug his mom. We’ll see. I’m not going to hold my breath.:)

Thursday Jace finished his last soccer game, and he even scored a goal! He’s looking forward to starting Flag Football and SCHOOL! We’ve scheduled his chemo for August a little early (next week) so hopefully he will be feeling better by the 25th, and his numbers will be ok to go! Everyone has been asking how I feel about sending him to school, and the truth is, he reeeeeally wants to go, so I can’t complain. I’m nervous and scared that because I can’t control his environment (like I’ve been doing), maybe he’ll get sick with something else…or that we will have awful mornings getting him out of bed…or a variety of other stressors that make me lose sleep at night—but I know from experience that now is the time to put it in the Lord’s hands and have FAITH that it will be ok, NO MATTER WHAT.

So, as much as I’ve been counting down the chemo DAYS and MONTHS and YEARS left…I’m sure hanging on to the hugs I get in the quiet hours at our house. Thanks to a simple children’s book and my sweet Hayden, I’ve been reminded that I need to enjoy the journey. I need to hang on a little longer to every sweet moment.