Finished

Last Wednesday night I took off my cancer necklace.

It said:

What Cancer Cannot Do
It Cannot...
Invade the Soul
Suppress Memories
Kill Friendship
Destroy Peace
Conquer the Spirit
Shatter Hope
Cripple Love
Corrode Faith
Steal Eternal Life
Silence Courage

The necklace is worn and fading from frequent massage, but still legible. I tucked it away, feeling somewhat like I was losing a limb (having worn it faithfully for three years)... but I knew it was important that I take it off... not waiting to see what Jace's next blood work shows... not waiting for the CBC after that. Instead of hanging on to fear, I had to give all of my heart over to the very real possibility that Jace will never face cancer again.  At this point, exhausted and emotional, I'm not sure how my little family could survive otherwise. It's soooo time to be finished.

I also removed my Iron Man Jace bracelet. I'm going to save it for basketball, football, and baseball games.  For some reason I felt a strong prompting that if I continued to wear those things, I wouldn't let go of the fear of it not really being over. Maybe I'll put them back on in a few years when I'm not so scared. Jace has had a bad cough this week, he looks pale, and it is obvious his little body is fighting something. It's ALL I can do to not worry about the possibility that as I type there's a cancer cell somewhere in his body trying to multiple and invade again. Is now a good time to ask for continued prayers on behalf of Jace? I worry that the prayers he's received are going to stop... and he needs them now more than ever.

Cancer CANNOT destroy peace...shatter hope... or corrode faith. I do have faith that 'what will be, will be,' so I have to put this trial in the hands of a very loving Heavenly Father. Some of you gave me good advice in the beginning of this journey to replace fear with faith.  Overwhelmingly, that's the lesson I've learned.  Maybe I've written this before (hard to remember), but sometimes when I look at Jace I feel guilty that because I had so many lessons to learn...maybe this was the reason he had to endure this awful process.  Others have told me they've felt this way too.  Our Ironman AND Hayden have taught us so many valuable things: mainly courage,  hope, and faith.

Now is the time to put these things to use.:)

This might be my last regularly scheduled post. I am going to close the blog and move on. I'll try to put an update on the blog and open it once in a while, but mostly I think we are finished for now.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers and faith. I'm so grateful for the experience of sharing this journey.

I really do love you all.:)
Amy