Merry (late) Christmas!

 All Jace wanted for Christmas this year was NOT to be in the hospital...or have to go TO the hospital on Christmas Day....and his wish came true!! Woo Hoo! We spent a wonderful Christmas Eve and Day with friends and family, and Jace had a miraculous recovery from his December 23rd flu...

I guess we had to have our typical scare, though, right? During the early morning of the 23rd, Jace became violently ill with the flu...and we were all sure our weekend plans were going to be altered.  His fever reached 102 at 4 am...BUT, our Christmas MIRACLE came in the form a nurse who agreed to work at the office one last morning for the few people who needed chemo. We didn't have to go to the hospital, because she was there to communicate with the doc.  A long story made short is that our sweet nurse saved Jace this time.  You probably guessed that I cried thankful tears as we drove Jace home Friday at noon.

My heart is so full thinking about the sacrifice this mother of four young kids made for some of her patients. Jace left the office feeling 100X better than he went in, and he didn't get sick again. Here are a few pics to show how great this year's Christmas went:

Hayden and Jace playing the Kinect--Christmas morning...

Jace helping Peyton open her present at Grandpa and Grandmas' house.:)

Jace and Reagan, his sweet cousin.

I have a ton of pics from Jace's December LP and chemo...but they are sad. The above pics tell the real story... Jace is doing great. He's playing basketball for the first time this year, and he seems to recover from the chemo treatments a little quicker each time. This is our last winter to get him through with his low immune system...

Eleven months of chemo left!!

We can do it.

Merry Christmas.

We love you all.  

ER and Thanksgiving

Ahhh life.

At Jace's chemo appointment last week we learned his numbers were too low.  He endured his usual sick week from chemo, and instead of waiting a month to see our dear friends at Teton Oncology, Jace had to return seven days later for another CBC. As we left the doctor's office the second time, the doc joked..."Hopefully I don't hear from you tomorrow!" We all glanced a weary look at each other, knowing if we had to call the doc on Thanksgiving...well....that would just plain stink.

Sure enough. After a pretty great day of actually eating a Thanksgiving meal for the first time in three years, Jace started getting sick mid-afternoon. By evening his fever was too high, and we knew we were headed to the hospital. Just in case the doctor told us differently...we called him. Yep. Emergency Room. Pronto.

Seriously??  Jace was so looking forward to a night of cousins and fun, and instead we drove him away from the party to his least favorite place.  Jace was more than broken hearted and more than annoyed.

Luckily the ER administered the bag of IV antibiotics, and he wasn't admitted to stay, with the order to return the next day for more meds. By the time we were leaving, Jace had a crowd of friends coming to see him in the ER, and he left happy and feeling much better than when he arrived.

As a side note, after we left the hospital the next day (Friday), Jace reeeeally wanted to play raquetball and "work out."  He's working on his six pack.:) Our little rock star left the hospital, and was doing pull-ups at The Ridge a few hours later. Man! He's fiesty.

Another awesome detail is when the nurse (not our usual one) was going through her list of things she had to ask him:  "Does your family have a history of...What medicines do you take..." etc., she asked him if he smoked. We all giggled, and he quickly replied, "I only smoke my dad at basketball." 

This morning when a friend asked me how our Thanksgiving was, I hesitated ...But it only took a second to focus...and quickly I realized our Thanksgiving was awesome. Jace ate dinner. We were surrounded by a loving family. We had a good hospital to take him to for medicine, and nice people worked the holiday to care for our little Iron Man. 

Thank goodness for emergency rooms.:)

...and Many More

October was the birthday month at our house, and as we sang to Jace this year, I was careful to add three important words on the end of the song… "and many more.”

It’s no secret I’ve been somewhat missing in action from this blog for an entire season… I’ve missed posting about several chemo treatments, but I’m assuming you are as exhausted by the same details as we are. It’s hard enough to experience it over and over…and I’m finding that actually writing about it is getting harder.

A brief summary of our last three months is that Jace is tough…chemo stinks…and yes, he still has another year of treatments. He has really great days enjoying regular activities, and he still has really sick days associated with chemo.

I noticed tonight that as an “I Stand Up to Cancer” commercial showed on T.V., our family just became quiet. We didn’t really say anything to each other, because it’s nice sometimes to leave that conversation alone…but the commercial made us somber, and we quietly related to it in a very personal way.

On the up side, Hayden and Jace are both at a speed and agility training session right now. That means, BOTH my boys are running again, and THAT is a beautiful thing.:) Hayden is healing wonderfully from his elbow surgery; Jace is in between treatements, so he feels great. This year for Halloween Jace decided to use the Iron Man costume from 2009 that he never used. I sure liked seeing his strong body fill it out.  Every time I look at my Iron Man I think of how strong he is.... how much he's been through...and how cute he is. You can also be sure that recently when I sang "and many more" at the end of his birthday song....I only cried happy tears.:) 
Two YEARS of chemo down.
One to go.
We can do it. 

Trading Places

Um, yep...That's Hayden.



I’ve neglected this blog, because all summer I’ve felt like our story has been more of the same. We have really good days, and then Jace still gets his chemotherapy treatments. We are trying our hardest to forget the word CANCER, but it still exists and Jace is still “raging against” it. This week our hospital visit was a bit different though because the patient was Hayden. He badly injured his elbow playing football, and our ROCK was IN the bed instead of standing beside it. (I quickly realized as the mom that I have a little post traumatic stress going on, and I am worth nothing in a crisis with my boys now.) Also, Jace is learning how it feels to NOT be the one on the couch, and Hayden has learned that it isn’t that fun to be hurt.:(   



Last week I was sitting in a big auditorium listening to a speaker talk about suicide prevention. As she was trying to point out that mental illness is as real as cancer, she asked the crowd to yell out words associated with cancer. From all directions of the room, my nightmare came alive as words like CHEMO! HOSPITAL! PAIN! RADIATION! and LEUKEMIA!...were yelled and then someone right behind me in a very large voice yelled DEATH!!!  I shrank in my seat and checked out mentally for a few minutes thinking through where my Jace had been and where he will be in the future.

Today I attended a funeral of a cancer victim. Garland was a good family friend. It was a beautiful service, and I appreciated how the speakers pointed out how much Garland taught others about service. I decided that next time someone asks people to yell cancer words I’m not going to shrink. I'm going to yell my own words like LOVE! BRAVERY!! COURAGE!

Great Grandma Grover called this afternoon to check on us, and I appreciated hearing her sweet giggle. She told me, “Honey, I just called to tell you that when you have boys, they are going to get hurt.”

I replied, “So I shouldn’t feel picked on, Gram?”

“No, Honey,” she said sweetly. “It’s just life.”

After a lot of years of raising a family and dealing with her share of ups and downs, Gram is right. AND After talking with her and telling her in detail how brave BOTH my sons are...how Hayden didn't even cry...how he doesn't even want pain meds...how Jace is now waiting on Hayden hand and foot--  I knew I wouldn’t trade places with anyone in the world.

The Survivor's Lap

When Jace lined up for the Survivor’s Lap at Relay for Life this year, he stood among mostly adults all wearing purple Survivor’s shirts—with some exceptions: Hayden in his baseball uniform raced to get to Jace from the nearby baseball game (between innings) and stood with his arm around him among the crowd. Also supporting Jace were a few faithful cousins.
The walking began, and many courageous cancer survivors from our community once again proved that CANCER CANNOT WIN. Jace and Hayden walked in the middle of the pack, and tried to disappear into the crowd. Hayden didn’t remove his arm from Jace’s shoulders, and remarkably, Jace didn’t shrug it off. Then something so tender happened…
It became obvious that step by step more cousins and baseball friends joined Jace and Hayden and surrounded them while they walked. By the end of the lap our boys were completely engulfed by other kids. It was remarkable.

That night we had a large crowd for TEAM JACE walking the track…and still at 6 AM we had a large crowd walking the track. The support we received this year was amazing, and I remembered once again how much I love my family! This gathering of family and friends renewed the feelings we had when Jace was first diagnosed with cancer. People make the difference. Just like those children surrounded Jace and Hayden while they walked, my favorite people surrounded TEAM JACE and their very presence shouted to the world…cancer is going DOWN!

More photos are on my personal blog if you are interested.:)
Love you all.

SAFE!

Jace is SAFE for now…In more ways than one! When he awoke from the anesthesia Thursday, it was obvious this time was hard on him. Matt carried him to the pick-up, and then into his second appointment for more chemo. He continued to be mellow most of the morning, but when he rolled his eyes at his esteemed Doc, I knew he was perking up. By the time the IV chemo was finished, he walked out on his own.



As with almost everything in life, sometimes things don’t go just how they should…and Jace’s blood work Thursday gave everyone a scare. His second draw Friday morning looked MUCH better, and we relaxed somewhat. After receiving the call that he had to go back for more lab work, Jace stood under a hot shower, shed a few tears, declared that he “hates cancer,” and then dried up to be his usual brave self. It reminded me of how gracefully he slides into base just under the fielder’s mitt. Every time I’m screaming from the stands, “DON’T SEND HIM!!” his coach knows he can make it…and every time he’s safe, I have to humble myself and have more faith in the system. It’s true for cancer too…

Would you believe we are STILL learning about chemotherapy even 21 months later?? (has it really been 21 months??) We thought Jace would be his sickest on Saturday, but it turned out that Jace felt well enough Saturday to enjoy a beautiful horse ride in the mountains with his Grandpa Randal, Matt, and Hayden. Then Sunday and Monday turned into pretty sick days for our chemo babe. He’s doing better today.

The local Relay for Life is this Friday in Rexburg, and we’d love to see you there! Jace’s legs are feeling weak lately, so he wondered if he could bring Grandpa's horse, Blue!:) That would be a sight, right? We giggled with Jace at the image of him riding his horse around the track all night. Although we probably won’t take Buck and Blue, we DO hope you will ALL join us in walking for a cause.

21 months of chemo down.

15 to go. We can do it.

Love you all.

We Danced!

Although the Relay for Life event in Rexburg is a few weeks away, we were a little more organized this year and actually raised funds before the week of it! Imagine that! Thanks to EVERYONE involved in making our Zumbathon a HUGE success! We actually had a packed gym with nearly 100 dancers, and we are so excited to donate ALL of the proceeds from our fun night to the American Cancer Society.

 

Jace and Hayden were a hit too, as they lead the crowd in a warm-up and cool-down song. I fought tears as I felt the support and energy from the crowd of friends, family members, and even people I didn’t know, and I couldn’t stop smiling as my boys once again proved what COURAGE looks like. (I wish I had a picture to post, but unfortunately, I don’t! I forgot to take my camera.)

 

This week Jace faces another chemo treatment starting bright and early Thursday with an LP at the Surgical Center. This particularly tough treatment is only every third month, but he’s already decided it isn’t going to get him down. This morning he asked Matt and me if he could play in his baseball game Thursday night. I reminded him that the LP is like a surgery as he goes completely under anesthesia to receive the chemo treatment to his spinal fluid and brain. Then after he wakes up, he has his regular chemo through his port; he usually feels pretty crumby by the end of these brutal treatments. As I finished my best ‘mother’s warning explanation’… he looked at me to make sure I was finished. Then he persisted, “Well? Can I play in my game?”

 

COURAGE has many faces …
COURAGE this week wears a red and white baseball cap and swings a bat with force. 
COURAGE slides into 2nd base after running for his life to hear the ump call him, “SAFE!” 
COURAGE ignores his often sick stomach, the virus on his face that his body can’t fight, and his all too sensitive chemo skin that burns in the sunlight way too quickly. 
COURAGE is still fighting cancer…and HE is amazing.:)

April, May, and June 1st!

Life is crazy. Can I get an AMEN on that? It seems like just when I think I'll have more time to get the blog caught up, I am out of town. Today I'm typing from a lawn chair, on green grass, outside of my home state--  from the back side of a baseball field, waiting for Jace's 2nd double header to start. I've recently made the comment that maybe someday I'll write a book called, "How Baseball Healed My Cancer Kid" or "Why My Chemo Survivor Gets off the Couch"... but for now my sporatic blog entries will have to suffice to express my gratitude for this sport and the people involved.

Jace has endured two more treatments since I posted in March, and truthfully they didn't slow him down...much. Of course, he still deals with being tired, weak, and sick, but he doesn't WANT to be sick, so he pretends he's not. In fact, before his May treatment, we were driving in the car, and Matt made the comment, "I can't believe it's time for chemo again."

Jace very honestly sat right up and said, "I FORGOT I HAD CANCER!"

Matt and I made eye contact above his head, and my eyes welled with happy tears. I NEVER would have guessed our Jace would state those words after the last 19 months. I'm pretty sure it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

(Matt and Jace before treatment at

Primary Children's Hospital in April)

(Hayden and Jace on game day)

I AM very excited about our Relay for Life Fundraiser this year... "Team Jace" is organizing a Zumbathon, with the help of my esteemed instructors: Amee Owens, Liz Stephenson, and Lacy Grover! Many of you who know me, know that last summer I found Zumba... and I credit IT for saving MY life...so this Wednesday night, everyone is invited to DANCE for a CAUSE! 

Here are the details:

When: Wednesday, June 1st

Where: Madison High School (the new one)

Time: 7-9:30 PM

Cost: Donation (suggested $10 but more or less will be accepted)

Proceeds: 100% goes to Relay for Life for The American Cancer Society

Every time I watch Jace swing a bat I recognize that he is walking/living proof that much research  has been put into treating cancer to save kids just like him. If we can make a little contribution to the progress of this research I know that kids in the future will have a chance at life...just like our Ironman! 

Join us if you can. Jace and Hayden will be teaching the first song...to "Never Say Never." It might be a tear jerker.

17 months of chemo left...Jace is scheduled for his last chemo treatment in November 2012.

We can do it.

Mind Over Matter

Mind over matter IS possible sometimes. I’m a witness. After baseball practice on a Wednesday night and with a brutal LP and chemo treatment scheduled for the next morning, together Matt and Jace decided he wasn’t going to let this chemotherapy treatment knock him down. Very matter-of-factly he stated, “I do really want to make it to my baseball practice Saturday, so I’m NOT going to get sick.”

To make a long story short, Jace handled his March chemo like a champion! He hasn’t missed baseball practice, and he is energetic and feisty. A couple of days ago Jace came in the back door with his pants completely packed with snow! (Yes, we still have piles of snow in our yard!!) I exclaimed, “WHAT happened?!!” (Knowing Hayden and Colten were playing outside and had probably done this)…
Jace put his hands up, like—back off mom—and said, “It is ok Mom! It’s ok. I deserved it! I WAS tormenting them.”

It’s so remarkable that Jace has the energy to torment his brother and friends, but even more amazing that he has the maturity to understand the idea of consequences and (loyalty to Hayden). Again and again, I witness Jace’s mental strength! I’m positive that his ‘mind over matter’ attitude is making him a courageous, cancer fighting warrior…and once again I’m trying….to learn from his example.:)

Fevers and Crazy Hats

Another fever...another hospital visit...another round of antibiotics.  Is this getting old to you too?

Besides having a temperature above 102 for 48 hours, Jace was feeling the worst about missing his "HAT DAY for CAT in the HAT" at school.  Since he couldn't make it to school to enjoy the fun, we brought the fun to our house.  Thank you everyone for turning what could have been a "sad fever night" into an evening of laughs and smiles and crazy hats!

Jace the Electric Blanket

When Jace’s awesome teacher called and told me there was a lot of coughing in his classroom, I appreciated the warning and kept him home the next day. Little did I know he would be in the hospital 72 hours later with a fever that wouldn’t break. The Strep and Flu tests were negative, but his cough was deep and scary, and even meds couldn’t bring his temperature down. After four more days, a full treatment of IV antibiotics, and lots of fluids-- I nicknamed Jace my personal “Electric Blanket.” His little body was SO hot, all I had to do was hold him, and he instantly warmed me. Although I tried to find some good in his fevering body, I also found a fear again that I haven’t felt in a while. Life has a way of keeping us humble right?

President Spencer W. Kimball is quoted for saying, “God does notice us, and He watches over us, but it is usually through another person that He meets our needs.” I know this to be true, because I know Heavenly Father has filled our house this month with the love we need to get us through the fevers. Thank you ALL. We love you!

Jace’s fever finally broke just in time to receive another chemo treatment Thursday, so he’s here leaning on my arm as I type. He’s sick again today, with his normal reaction to chemo, but he’s not burning up…so I'm using a normal blanket to warm me:). Although I do enjoy the extra heat an electric blanket provides, today I love that Jace doesn't have a fever and that he's not a built in heater.

(How Jace feels today.)

Hi Everyone. This is Jace. My mom is typing for me, but I wanted to say hello. Hopefully I'll be able to come back to school Tuesday if I feel better. See you guys later.

Jace

One year and five months of chemo down. We’re almost half-way there. We can do it!

Busted

So…Hayden finally has full permission to defend himself against our feisty, teasing Jace. Hayd thought the day would never come when BOTH Matt and I warned Jace, “You really shouldn’t tease your brother because one of these days you are going to feel well enough-- that we will let him tease you back!”

That day has come. This candidly shot photo tells a great story, right? The most ironic part to Jace was that his mom wasn’t rescuing him but was instead TAKING PICTURES! The nerve.

Christmas was great. New Years was a blast. We feel loved and blessed, and Jace is teasing everyone he’s around. Jace’s easiest chemo month is ahead, because he doesn’t have to go to Primary Children’s, and he doesn’t have to have an LP. Just Vincristine at Dr. H’s on the 13th. When J’dee recently asked Jace how many days of school he usually misses after his chemo treatments, he said, “Sometimes 1 and sometimes 2…but most of the time none.” After his excellent handling of the December LP and his proud presentation in the school Christmas program the week after his last treatment, I have so much hope this is true.

In years past when the boys wrestled with their dad, they begged (in a funny way) for help from anyone in the room, but I never jumped into the pile. I knew they could handle their own, and I would be in the way. Instead I just vocally cheered for the boys saying, “Go Hayden! Or go Jace!” To the contrary, for the last year, when Jace and Hayd would wrestle and rough house, I found myself stopping the fun pretty quickly-- stating that Jace could get hurt!, or that maybe he wasn’t strong enough to handle the play! But this holiday season, things have been different. Instead of stopping the fun, my voice is singing the most beautiful cheer I can utter… “Goooo Jace!”


(Even though they tease each other, they are still best buds.

This is them on Christmas morning in their new baseball quilts.)

Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for staying with us.

We love you.