Unfortunately this mind search came from being caught off guard
by a cancer conversation I didn’t ask for. Many times people will approach our family
with their ‘cancer story.’ Often Jace will be with me, and the topic turns to
who recently died from cancer. He’ll grab my hand silently and squeeze it.
Together we look for a way to bolt—to just sprint away-- but many times we hear
the worst before we can escape. I’m not sure what people are thinking when they
spit out the words death, dying, died, in front of Jace. Come on people, right?
Luckily when I was accosted last night I was alone. Basically a total stranger who knows nothing
about me or my Jace told me I was a bad mom for allowing Jace to have
chemotherapy. She said, “When you really want to do the right thing, educate
yourself and find out what really kills cancer- because it’s not chemo. His
cancer will come back. You can count on that.”
She said more, but I’ll spare you the details…
I stood there in shock, and felt like someone had just repeatedly
hit me in the stomach. After realizing
she wasn’t letting up I mumbled something (no idea what), and walked away. I managed to make it to my car before the
sobs came…and a few hours later I realized maybe I just needed a good cry. Why did I allow someone I didn’t know make me
feel so horrible? Especially when Matt
and I have done everything we can to do the right things for Jace.
Then I found the fitting phrase in my brain. It was about crying. “...Cry about the simple hell people give other
people—without even thinking.” It comes from To Kill a Mockingbird by
Harper Lee. In the context of the book,
a child is crying, and an adult explains why. I actually think it’s ‘mindless hell’ that
people give—because mostly, people just don’t think about what they are saying…
they can’t be thinking, correct? …Because nobody in their right mind would purposely infer
to a 9 year old (or his mom) that his cancer won’t go away…
 |
| (Jace on Crazy Socks day at school) |
By the way, thanks again for the nice comments lately, ha ha. I appreciate them. You'd think it would get easier to get through this with time, but I'm still so weak. I really do love knowing you are out there.
Love you all.
I can not believe the nerve of some people. I remember when I was just about ready to have Nakeaden, someone I am not sure who now, told me. What ever comes your way, just know YOU know what is best for them. There will be lots of people who want to give advice and tell you what you should do, but just remember you are his mom and you will know, and feel what is best for them. I have always remembered that. You and Matt are doing the best job you can, and Jace is a lucky little boy to have such great parents who have his best interest at heart!!! Know we all love you, and Jace will be Cancer Free! I believe it with all my heart.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that person!! It's a good thing you are a very calm, nice person because it would have been hard not to say anything. I love the picture of Jace in his socks :)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe a stranger said that to you, even if it was someone that you did know you, it still wouldn't have been right. RIght now you need kindness, support and love, not her telling you how wrong it is. I have known many stories of children beating cancer and it NEVER coming back and they have all had chemo. I wish people were more kind to everyone around them. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I think you are doing the right thing for Jace and your family, only parents can make the decision on what is or isn't right for their children. By the way, my husband LOVES Jace's shrit, I LOVE his socks!
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm sorry that you have to deal with insensitive people. No matter how similar their situation might be to yours - no one has the exact same trial that you do, and therefore no one other than you knows what you should be doing!
ReplyDeleteYou're a great mom and good luck in the future! I am giving you permission to punch the next person in the face that says insensitive things in front of you and Jace! :)
I did not appreciate To Kill A Mockingbird like I should have. I'm going to reread it and think about the real purpose behind the book...besides reading enough to pass ;)!
ReplyDeleteAND, honestly Peds Hem/Onc doctors pretty much feed parents a line of lies regarding chemo for the money. *Sarcasm** Honestly, Hem/Onc doctors are going broke because their patients can't afford their own medications so the doctors end up spending their business money to supply their patients. I'm pretty confident MDs would not be forking out that kind of money for treatment they don't whole heartedly believe in...
ReplyDeleteHow sad...it seems like society is losing qualities such as tactfulness, kindness, and respect, and feel entitled to speak their mind and give unwanted advice no matter how it makes others feel. Unless that person has a higher degree to back up their useless opinion, it's completely absurd. Of course, when you're caught off guard and in a moment like that, it's always hard to say what you really want to say. Too bad we're not a Jane Austen heroine with a really good comeback line to other's ignorant comments! Hang in there, and let Jace know we are still rooting for him!
ReplyDeleteAmy, you are definitely someone I look up to and am so thankful for my kids to have had as a teacher! Don't you dare let that one person make you feel the love and amazing support you and your husband give Jace is in anyway misguided. We are all so blessed to have your family as an example of how to be strong, courageous, and loving in times of trials. This example is yet another teaching moment to be careful of our words spoken!
ReplyDeleteWow. I can't imagine someone saying that to you, muchless saying it at all. You are a true inspiration in my life. I admire your thoughtfulness, enduring love and faith. I look forward to every post in seeing how this little guy is doing. When saying prayers with my 2 1/2 yr old, we pray for Jace. It is so cute because he has a cousin named Jace that is 6, and whenever we see him, he says, "Do you feel better?" Brings tears to eyes every time. Hange in there and if you need some back up next time someone does that, I'm not "too" polite to say something back to her. lol. Anyone who reads your blogs KNOWS that you are a GREAT mother and those boys are lucky to have you. :)
ReplyDeleteThere are certainly some nosy, crazy people out there who think they know it all about everything. I'm a survivor and to this day I get people who tell me what I should of done and how I could have cured it naturally. Well you know what, You go ahead and try curing it yourself if you get it. And really, you're going to trust some theory, some people on the internet have, when it comes to treating your children. NO THANK YOU
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me and I'm not quite certain how I ran across your blog a couple of years ago. I just want to say that I think you're an awesome mom and an awesome family. I love my son more than I can put into words, which may be the only thing we have in common... but that is enough. Just wanted to let you know that I'm out here cheering you all on!!
ReplyDeleteI probably haven't seen you since high school, but have been following your blog for the last couple of years.
ReplyDeleteI am in shock that a person could be so insensitive and cold. I mean I shouldn't be, but on that level- unbelievable!
I love the line from To Kill a Mockingbird you quoted. Having fought a battle with infertility and won through the blessing of adoption, I have heard many comments that I labeled "thoughtless." Stupid, hurtfull things people say to a person without thinking. It really was the "thoughtfull" (comments people say that they've really thought about, and even though the comments are mean and they know it, and they still say it) comments that stung,hurt and stayed with me. I may have to change my wordage to mindless. I do like that.
Again, I am sorry that someone could be so cold. From all accounts I've read, and from what I know of you from the past, you are a good person, you are doing an amazing job, raising 2 amazing sons, and winning a difficult battle. I wish you good luck as Jace finishes up his treatments this year, and all the best in all aspects of your life.