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| (Jace during February chemo treatment) |
So, I opened the laptop just now with every intention of making this blog private immediately. Matt and I have discussed doing this lately for many reasons. We aren't sure anyone reads it anymore anyway.:) We don't get many comments, and I don't really even know who I'm writing for. Also, sometimes I have something to say, but feel it's negative or it might come off ungrateful- so then I don't write at all- and I really DO want to record the whole journey. Making the blog private seemed like a good way to preserve it, and continue to write without worrying...
Then, I noticed there was actually a new comment on the last post. (Thank you Nicole. You said just the right things.:)) Does this blog bless others? It's an interesting concept. The truth is we are entirely finished with being in the spotlight...the attention we received in the beginning saved us...but we are SO ok with NOT being known as the family enduring cancer. But if somehow this blogs makes a difference, then maybe it's worth something. Does anyone have any thoughts for me?
Jace just crawled into my lap. He barely fits now...curled up into a ball, his long skinny legs touch his chin. I wrapped my arms entirely around him and kissed his head. I love him so much. He's getting so big...and old...would you believe he wears a size 7.5 in men's shoes despite having poison pumped into his body for the last 2.5 years??
He's been sick for a week from his February chemo. Every day we wake up hoping it will be the day he feels entirely better, but this month took a little longer. He missed 6 days of school. I really do see so many good things about his treatments, but three years of chemo is a long run- and we've never really been runners. It makes us tired, and it hurts. Is this coming off as ungrateful?
I don't know you, but i have loved reading your blog no matter how far the posts are apart. Each time I see Jace's name highlighted on my blog reader, I get excited to see how he's doing and what progress he has made or to share in your ups and downs... we all have them you know. I don't think you need be ashamed of writing the negative things as well. You don't seem ungrateful AT ALL! Just REAL! Thank you so much for all that you have shared with us even those of us who don't personally know you. I sincerely hope you don't go private.
ReplyDeleteI read your blog and follow along with every post, even though I've never left a comment. I think its a wonderful thing to write down your feelings and emotions, even if they may come off as being ungreatful, its part of the journey you are on. I am sure everyone would understand having very angry, resentful moments in a world where children get so sick, when they should never get sick at all. Thank you for sharing your journey with me....the good and the bad. I am sure we would all understand if you decided to go private, but I enjoy seeing the progress Jace has made!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you either and honestly am not sure how I came across your blog.....but I love reading about a cute boy who is beating cancer! My mother~in~law passed away a year ago from cancer and it has been nice to read about your journey and hard as it is, to see him so positive and doing as well as he is doing!
ReplyDeleteI normally don't leave comments on blogs where I don't know the family personally, but I do read whenever you post! Keep it up and thanks for writing about the realities of cancer!!
Amy, I don't know what to say. I love your blog, you are so elloquent with the way you use your words, and it's a small way that I can keep up with your victories and pains. Sometimes life isn't all positives, and frustrations don't come across as ungratefulness. It's real life. I can only imagine the emotional and mental drain that these past two and a half years have weighed on you and the family. Our good friends' son finished his second round of chemo 6 months ago. Last week they received the diagnosis that it was back. To see her and her struggle, I think of you each and every time I see her. It's like God wants to remind us each day who is in charge and that there is a greater plan that we don't fully understand. Someday, you will be able to look back on these thoughts and realize how it was so perfect for you at this time. The people that you have helped and the influences that you have made will never go away. They pass it on. We love you guys! By the way, that is a huge shoe size! He's supposed to still be in like a size 2!
ReplyDeleteWe read every post and love following your journey! We are grateful for Jace and your family! You guys are amazing!
ReplyDeleteI've never commented before but I've been reading for a long time. Just wanted to say - if you do go private - tank you for sharing your wonderful son with the world for such a long time. Your writing is so real and so beautiful. Not always easy reading - but so worth it.
ReplyDeleteI too read each post you write, I love seeing Jace's name highlighted on my blog list. I've left a few comments in the past when I've been especially uplifted by your posts. I'm always amazed how you guys are dealing with this trial and have wondered how I would be in the same circumstances. You need to write down every emotion you are feeling positive or negative, we would all understand if on occassion you seemed down, angry, or frustrated, that's life! There were many posts I couldn't make it through with dry eyes - I've loved getting to know you and this brave young man through your blog but would understand if you decided to go private! Thanks for sharing your journey as long as you have and God bless!
ReplyDeleteHi, I have your blog in my google reader and I don't know you either. I think it was linked from another blog asking for prayer requests. Just wanted to say I pray for your family and I'm betting you are getting lots of extra prayers from your readers. Keep fighting Jace!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you either and when Jace was first diagnosed with cancer my friend that knew you introduced me to your blog! I honestly can't even tell you which friend anymore. I love reading about how well he is doing and your fight with the day to day trials of living with cancer. I think that its okay to have hard days, months, years, ect and to put that on your blog. I think it makes the journey real, and helps those who are going through it. Its your choice to make the blog private, but I do love hearing about about him!
ReplyDeleteAmy,
ReplyDeleteYou get to feel "ungrateful", you're human who has dealt with the grieving process more than once with this diagnosis.You've felt so many things some people will NEVER comprehend. What you write on your blog is your business. If people so happen to read it, fantastic, but ultimately, this is your place to remember EVERYTHING about this experience and vent to the Internet world. And again, this is YOUR families blog, so if going private is what will encourage you to be open and honest, maybe that better for the journal process.
Just know, whenever someone speeds past me on the interstate or cuts me off or is rude on the phone, I always remember the story you shared when you were carrying Jace through a store and someone made some comment about "He's too big for that." And you shook your head thinking, "If only she knew..." And it's true. We never know the situations anyone else is in that is causing them to speed past or what personal situation put someone in a foul mood...so Thank you for sharing the glimpses of this new life you've found yourself in. My perspective has truly changed. Thank you!
I love reading your blog good or bad! I understand that you are human and that your family has gone through and are still going through very tough things! Some days are bound to be hard! I love keeping up with what is going on in your life! I think about you guys often! With all of this, I still understand if you decide to go private and don't want to share everything with the world! :)
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry if I scared you at that concert! When your boy walked up to the table his smile hit my heart, and I knew I had seen that smile before..then it dawned on me where! I found your blog the night my little boy 7 was involved in an accident, and was rushed unconscious by ambulance..nothing else to do but wait for ct results I sat on my laptop came across my friends blog and saw she was following yours. I read, and the comfort I received from your words and from the lords spirit calmed me down. I knew my little boy was in good hands....so there is my story how I stumbled across your blog, and to see him Friday might just affirmed again to me the lord is there and he is aware of our struggles.
ReplyDeleteI was Jace's student teacher from September- December. I was grateful to be able to get to know more of his story by reading your blog about his treatments. He is such an example and inspiration to ME. Tell him hi from Miss Good, and that I miss him and his class. Thank you for sharing his story!!
ReplyDeleteBless your heart, I read avidly how Jace is doing and you are a marvel at your coping skills. You bring a humanness to this battle you're fighting with your family and it brings hope to the rest of us. I feel blessed to know you a little and I'm always wondering about Jace and how you are. Thank you for being willing to let us observe your lives and gain so much from your example.
ReplyDeleteI have loved following Jace's progress these last couple if years, I call it progress because even with the downs there have been so many more ups! My name is Kelsey Webster, Paul is my cousin. Send me an invite at byui2009grad@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but I have left a few comments before. I live in north Idaho and I'm not sure how I came across your blog. Whether or not you keep your blog public I'd like to let you know what your words have done for me.
ReplyDeleteYour blog reminds me to count each blessing. My tough days are easier than your easy days. it reminds me to pray for your brave, handsome, little fighter of a son. Your blog gives me hope and courage. This story has a happy ending - I just know it.
Oh, and you can vent all you want - vent away! I can't imagine trying to put on a strong, perky face day in and day out. It's ok to be real.
I am grateful for the perspective you have given me and for sharing your warrior and his story.
God bless Jace.
I dont know you, but i found ur blog on my friends and i have been reading it ever since.but never have lefts comments before! thanks for sharing jace's story!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but I heard about Jace through a mutual friend way back in the beginning of all this. I have been following every since. I want you to know that I have read every single entry - every one, and I have NEVER felt that you have come off any way but real. You are the epitome of grace and faith, and I can see how it helps you to work things out in written language. I am the mom of four kids. My oldest is just a bit younger than Jace, and I have a 5 year old and 2 year old twins. I'm almost finished with my degree in English, so we have that in common at least. Life is tough, for me and everyone else, and sometimes I just need to read something smart and real and familiar. You give me that more often than you know. You help me to find a better perspective. I can certainly respect your choice to make this blog private. Do what you need to do, but I do read it and I admire the way you have navigated this struggle.
ReplyDeleteI'm a quiet, passive "stalker!" =) I love to read your blog, but I've never left a comment. It gives me strength to endure my challenges. Thank you for taking the time to blog and share your story. I sure hope you continue your blog without going private, but I respect either choice. Thank you so much for your story and your courage to write it!
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