Deep Breath

I feel like I've taken this deep breath in, and I don't dare let it out.

I've watched my own boys take a deep breath right before they do something difficult: as they step up to bat, right before they pitch, or as they make a big play...And as I watch them blow out again-- a quick, forceful, deliberate exhale, I feel their strength.  Their inner power comes to the surface and I can see them mentally prepare for what is to come. I even bet if you start watching for it, you'll see people in your own lives do this as they start something difficult.  It's a powerful thing-- that deep breath.

Monday Jace took a deep breath before his port was accessed for the last time.  Then, when it was clear   the blood was flowing through his port, Jace blew out a quick relieved exhale of relief. It was a small event, possibly even unnoticed by the crowd in the room, but I saw it...

When Matt, Jace, and I arrived at Teton Oncology Monday for Jace's LAST IV CHEMO treatment, he was greeted by a few constants: friends that have been with us the whole way. Thank you Kyler, Hayd,  Alisha, Kyle, Cory & Heidi. You started this journey with us three years ago, and we are so grateful that you are finishing it with us.  It was a nice, thoughtful surprise. You guys are awesome.  It was also so wonderful to have Becky and Leslie with us, our beloved nurses who have been with us the whole time. They decorated the room...brought Jace his favorite things. Of course Dr. Hancock oversaw everything. Where would we be without him? One of the receptionists commented, "It's quite a party today."

Yes it was.

Jace was diagnosed with Leukemia on September 11, 2009, and he received his last IV chemotherapy on Monday, November 5, 2012.

At the appointment we asked all of the appropriate housekeeping items such as:
"He can quit meds on the 16th right?"  Yes.
"Then we'll schedule to have his port removed?" Yes.
"Do his legs need therapy?" Yes.
"And bloodwork? When do we return?" Every four weeks.

A few more questions, and that was it.

Is it real? Are we really finishing a process that never seemed to end? When Matt and I asked Jace if he was excited to have his port removed, he answered: "I don't remember not having it."

As promised we are celebrating on November 21st. We will have a blood drive from 10-2 PM at Hibbard Elementary. Then, starting shortly after we get the blood drive cleaned up and gone (4 PM?), we will set tables up to make a few blankets and thank you cards to take to Primary Children's Hospital. Please join us for any part of this if you have time.

Starting at 5:30 PM we will prepare balloons for a final launch. Don't worry, we found 'glow-in-the-dark' balloons so we can launch after everyone gets off work. Plan on 6 or 6:30 for our "Up with Cancer" party. Like I said before, this will be in honor of Jace and any other cancer warrior you want to honor.

Kortney, Jace, and Keegan making sure the "Glow-in-the-dark" balloons work!

Of course Jace has been sick this week.  Although it seems like it should be over RIGHT NOW, he still has this last week to get through. It started Wednesday night, and he's still fighting nausea, sleepless nights, and body aches. He's sufficiently milked his "lasts" with his dad and me too. We've catered to every food craving... every whim... every need... teasing him that it's his last time to be spoiled.

I just found myself taking a deep breath again, but my exhale is always slow and weak. It lingers a little, like it's not real. Maybe watching a hundred balloons with Jace's name on them take off into the night will make this dream a reality...and we can all exhale relief.

Oh, and guess what... no more IV chemo.:)

Please join us at our celebration.

Love you all.